Catching your child in a lie is maddening, painful and upsetting. What else does he lie about? How can I trust him? Behavioral therapist James Lehman explains why kids tell lies and suggests a better way for parents to deal with it.
Q: When your child lies to you, it hurts. As parents, it makes us angry and we take it personally. We feel like we can never trust our child again. Why does lying cause such anger, pain and worry for parents?
James: Parents are understandably very afraid of their children getting hurt and getting into trouble, but they have very little protection against these things as they send their kids out into the world. Kids learn from other kids and from external media, and this makes parents feel unsafe because they can’t control the information and ideas that their children are exposed to.
Your kid’s honesty becomes the connector between what’s happening to him on the outside world and what happens at home. You need him to tell you honestly what happened today, so that you can honestly decide if that’s best for him. You need him to tell you what he’s doing so you can decide if that’s going to help him meet his responsibilities now and in the future. When parents don’t get the right information, they’re afraid they’ll make the wrong choices for their kids.
When your kid lies, you start to see him as “sneaky,” especially if he continues to lie to you. You feel that he’s going behind your back, that he’s undermining you. You begin to think that your kids are “bad”.” Because, certainly, if lying is bad, liars are bad. It’s just that simple.
Parents need to make their kids responsible for lying. But the mistake parents make is they start to blame the kid for lying. It’s considered immoral to lie. But when you look at your kid like he’s a sneak and an operator who’s undermining your authority, it’s a slippery slope that starts with “You lie” and ends up at “You’re a bad person.” I think that perception of your kid promotes more lying. If your child thinks you think he’s “bad,” he’s going to hide the truth from you even more, because he doesn’t want be bad. Even though they are lying, kids don’t want to disappoint their parents.
Q: Let’s look at it from the child’s perspective. What’s going in on a child’s mind when they lie to their parents?
James: Kids know lying is forbidden. But they don’t see it as hurtful. Not the way that parents see it as hurtful. So a kid will say, “I know it’s wrong that I ate a sugar snack when I’m not supposed to. But who does it hurt?” “I know it’s wrong that I traded my dried fruit for a Twinkie. But it doesn’t really hurt anybody. I can handle it. What’s the big deal?” That’s what the kid sees.
When they don’t see it as hurtful, there are two different value systems operating: the family’s value system that says this is forbidden and the kid’s value system that says if it’s not hurting anybody, what do you care? The kid rationalizes his actions and justifies his behavior with the idea that it doesn’t hurt anybody. The outcome is a dishonest situation. A lie.
When you get to adolescence, of course, the stakes get much higher. But the thinking remains the same. Kids smoke pot and drink and say, “Well it doesn’t hurt anybody. My friends smoke pot and it doesn’t hurt them. I know drinking’s wrong, but my parents drink and it doesn’t hurt them. I can handle it. I’m older than my parents think I am.” They know it’s forbidden. They either don’t see it as hurtful, or they rationalize the hurt away.
Q: So what’s the best way for parents to deal with lying, so that they don’t feel hurt and resentful about it and so that the child learns not to lie?
James: The first thing you have to do is be careful of is giving lies too much power. If you have a kid who’s mad at you or feels aggravated and powerless, and if he feels he can gain power over you by telling you a lie, he’ll use dishonesty to get that power. He’ll withhold information and lie by omission when you’re trying to get the truth. He’ll give you little pieces of information, and that makes him feel powerful. It’s a trap for parents. Honesty is important, but if you communicate that too strongly to your children, they will use that to have power over you. You have to keep these things a certain size so that they’re not used against you.
The second thing to remember is that you have to understand the power of the culture that kids go into. It’s a very powerful culture that exerts a lot of pressure to “fit in.” They may feel guilty if they lie to their parents. But, again, they’re thinking, “This isn’t that hurtful, and my parents just don’t understand.” Of course, parents do understand. They’re frightened, and they should be.
So I think that parents have to assume that kids are going to tell them lies, because they’re immature and they don’t understand how hurtful these things are. They’re also drawn towards excitement, and their parents aren’t. It’s not like the good kids aren’t drawn to excitement and risk, and the bad kids are. It’s not that the good kids don’t lie and the bad kids do lie. They’re all drawn to excitement, and they’ll all have a tendency to distort the truth because they’re kids.
I think parents have to deal with lying the way a cop deals with speeding. If you’re traveling too fast, he issues you a ticket. He’s not interested in a lot of explanations from you. He’s just going to give you a consequence. Look at it the same way with your child. He didn’t tell the truth, whether the truth was distorted, omitted or withheld. There should simply be consequences for that. The first time you lie, you go to bed an hour early. The second time, you lose your phone. It should be something that the kid feels. You lose your phone for twenty four hours. You lose your phone for two days. You lose computer time or TV time.
The consequences have to make the child uncomfortable or they don’t change anything. The idea is that the next time he’s faced with telling you the truth or lying, he’ll recall how uncomfortable he was when he did the consequence for lying, and he’ll tell you the truth instead.
The consequence should be about the lying. If there’s a separate consequence for the incident, that should come down separately. If you come home later than your curfew and you tell me the truth, you may still lose going out Friday night, but you won’t lose your phone. If you lie to me, you lose both.
Parents should not focus on the morality of it. Just be clear. Lying is wrong, it’s hurtful and, in our home, we tell the truth. But don’t make it a moral issue. Make it a technical issue. You broke the law. You broke the rules. These are your consequences.
When a cop writes me a ticket, he doesn’t follow me home or argue with me. He hands me my ticket and he drives away. Approach the consequences for lying the same way. Don’t argue about it or get into a big discussion. Discuss it in a structured way: “What were you trying to accomplish by doing that?” Not “Why did you lie? You know how much lying hurts me.” Just ask what he was trying to accomplish, then point out that lying is not the way to solve his problem. Compliance is the way to solve it. Talk about it after things have cooled down, not in the heat of the moment. Explain what will happen if he lies again. “If you lie to me about the dance, you’re not going to the next dance and I’m taking your phone for twenty four hours.” Just keep it really simple.
Copyright 2007. EmpoweringParents.com
For 30 years, behavioral therapist James Lehman has worked with troubled teens and children with behavior problems. His practical, real-world approach to managing children has been taught to parents in private practice and now through The Total Transformation Program, a step-by-step program that teaches James’ methods and helps parents change their children’s behavior. www.TheTotalTransformation.com
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I fear that baby and toddler books are encouraging prescriptive parenting. We think we can find the answers we are looking for in the many books out there.
Some of the leading authors of baby and toddler books such as Gina Ford Dr. Sears The Baby Whisperer (Tracy Hogg) and Christopher Greene each offer us answers to the many questions we have.
When my son Jamie was 5 months old I took him to his first swimming lesson. I had seen babies swimming under water and I was really keen to have my new wee babe do just that. We first time mothers all looked on in horror however when the teacher suggested that we put our babies heads under in that very first lesson.
‘The babies are fine with going underwater’ said the teacher ‘It is usually the mothers I have to talk into it!’
So here was the challenge – would we listen to the teacher to this ‘baby swimming expert’ and dunk our babies or would we listen to our motherly instinct and take our babies home immediately and NEVER return to the pool with them again?
This is what happens I think when mothers open these prescriptive parenting baby and toddler books looking for answers to their much sought after questions. They dip into the book with their pre conceived and idealistic ideas and come up coughing and spluttering when the expert suggests they do something that just doesn’t feel right.
I believe this is how we as first time parents should read these books. We should read them with an air of caution. We are the mother of our baby. We are with them 24/7 and we have our motherly instinct to guide us. At times we just merely need to have our thoughts affirmed for us. At other times we need to be given a whole new way of looking at our babies. Maybe they are a lot more capable than we really understand.
Well I did it I have to say. I decided to trust the swimming teacher and was totally thrilled to see my 5 month old baby happily swim underwater from the teacher to me. From that day on Jamie proved to me that he was a total fish and loves to swim. I will always be grateful to the teacher for guiding me on this occasion and encouraging me to let him swim underwater something I thought he would take months to learn.
Several authors of baby and toddler books strongly oppose each other. Each author offers advice and guidelines on a variety of topics from feeding to sleeping. Gina Ford for example recommends a strict routine with parents leading the baby. While Dr. Sears’s belief in attachment parenting encourages parents to be baby led.
As a new parent you may be unsure what your parenting philosophy is. My suggestion to you is only ever use the books written by these ‘experts’ as guides. If you are having concerns with your baby sleeping then read the section on sleep in each book and see which one feels right for you. Each family is different and each baby is different. It is hard to imagine that any one book would be a good ‘fit’ for any one baby.
Letâ??s face it, we all want to avoid making the same mistakes raising our kids we believe our parents or surrogate parents made raising us. This is especially the case when we still hold grudges toward parents for what has or has not become of us. Under this historical cloud, we know yet may not admit to the old adage: â??The apple doesnâ??t fall far from the tree.â? What this adage speaks to is the IMPOSSIBILITY of NEVER being like the parents we recall as having â??screwed us up.â? As much as we swear that we will never treat our kids the way we were treated, the moments inevitably arise when we sound and act like our parents. This is human nature. We will on occasion, identify and repeat the most noxious and self defeating parenting practices employed by our parents.
I am excluding from this discussion all parenting practices that are criminal and traumatic if they occurred even once. I am referring only, to behaviors we are all guilty of from time to time and, that are only damaging if they persist unchecked over the course of many years. Such behaviors are not an immediate cause for concern. Some examples are: Yelling at our kids, being overly critical of them, and disciplining them in ways that are unfair and unreasonable. An occasional instance of poor judgment on our parts will not damage our childrenâ??s psyches. Our children will survive the inevitable physical bumps and bruises in exploring their worlds. Likewise, â??good enoughâ? parenting is imperfect and fraught with painful yet, invaluable learning experiences. As parents and children work out their differences emotional bumps and bruises will be looked upon in retrospect as developmental markers.
The real yet, too often overlooked potential for us to do harm to our kids may stem from the unintentional consequences of our obsessive and compulsive dread that we have been hopelessly â??screwed upâ? by our parents and now these scars will render us helpless but, to â??screw upâ? our own kids. Our horror at our own actions whether admitted or not, is not an accurate barometer of our parental abuses of power. More accurately, it is a barometer of ill will we still harbor toward parents we still behave like from time to time. The problems we create for ourselves originate with the labels attached to these grudges. We tend to generalize offensive and perhaps, injurious traits into blanket characterizations that are believed to be as amenable to change as spots on a leopard. Therefore, when faced with painful likenesses to our parents we are apt to judge ourselves as â??bad,â? â??inadequate,â? â??unlovable,â? etc., in the most unforgiving manner imaginable. Although, we are responsible for turning against ourselves we often deny responsibility for, and try to divorce ourselves from these negative identifications with parental figures we have not forgiven. We all do this to varying degrees by blaming our children for triggering the feelings we associate with these negative labels when â??they push our buttons.â?
In these moments when we get lost in self centered, emotional time warps, we stop thinking about how our actions may affect our children. In fact, the more years we wear a lament across our chest that reads: â??Oh, I couldâ??ve been _____or done_____ by now if my childhood had been different,â? the more we tend to blame our children each and every time they push our buttons and remind us which tree we havenâ??t fallen too far from. These are expectable, normal and correctable bumps along the parenting trail. If we can accept what has happened to us and who we are today, we are in a position to work on and change those qualities we find distasteful. If not, we are likely to make our children miserable for what our parents made us miserable over.
For example, if we confuse even healthy self interest with a parent who was hated for being self centered, distant and uninvolved during our formative years, we may get in touch with self hatred and guilt and wind up resenting our children, when they loudly protest our requests for quiet time for ourselves. If however, we are able to take a step back, own, accept, and reflect on our reactions, we may within a minute or two calmly communicate to our children that our needs count too and that they must learn to respect them as important.
If after reading this article you are not even a glimmer more hopeful of changing ineffective parenting practices that need to be changed perhaps, you will delve deeper into the specific challenges you face raising your children. If you have already read the latest parenting primers, attended parenting classes, consulted your pediatrician, and still feel uneasy about what is happening at home you may benefit from a consult with a psychotherapist.
Mitchell Milch, LCSW is a pyschotherapist in private practice in Ridgewood, NJ who specializes in parent education. He can be found at www.healthymindsets.com
First Things First
Donâ??t assume your family, friends, or even current spouse will have the authority to step in and care for your children when you canâ??t. Talking about your wishes is important but without more, it gives them little to stand on if a dispute arises or outside agencies get involved.
Choose a person to provide long-term childcare. It goes without saying, you should choose someone that you trust completely and who has already proven their ability to take excellent care of your child. You should also:
Choose someone who can get to your child quickly and provide long-term care. Pick an individual not a couple; spare your child the uncertainty if the couple decides to split. Name a secondary or backup in case your first choice is unavailable or delayed. Identify who you donâ??t want as your provider. The Forms Prepare a DURABLE POWER OR ATTORNEY that designates a Temporary Guardian. This power of attorney springs into action by authorizing your long term childcare provider to act as parent when a certain event takes place, like your incapacity. It will cease to be effective once it expires, you revoked, or are able to take care of them yourself. Plan a RULES & SCHEDULE CHART. #1 designates who you want to take care of your children when you canâ??t; this document articulates how you want them taken care of.  This plan should set out your childâ??s schedules, allergies, medications, friends, etc. But because it will be designed for the long term, it should also give a clear picture of the guidelines and rules you want your children to follow.This document carries no legal power but it can be valuable in this and other situations where you share the upbringing of your child. Prepare a FINANCIAL DURABLE POWER OF ATTORNEY. Similar to #1, this gives your designee authorization to carry out financial tasks on your behalf like paying your bills, managing your property, and handling other money matters. This designation should be separate from #1 & does not have to be the same person. Really, everyone should have one of these regardless of parenthood status. You want to avoid your family having to go to court and spending all your money before they even get to it for you or your childâ??s needs. NOTE: Many financial institutions have their own form, so you make sure you execute a separate one for each. Consider executing an ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF PATERNITY. Your child deserves to have a lifetime of love and support from both parents even if someone else is providing care. However, an unmarried fatherâ??s relationship to his child may not be legally enforceable without an ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF PATERNITY. This establishes a legal relationship between father and child and is the first step to enforcing his rights and responsibilities. NOTE: This is a legally binding document and in some jurisdictions may not be revoked even if it is later determined that he is not the father of the child. Consult your legal adviser before signing.
This material has been prepared and is copyrighted by Deena V. Tyler-satterfield, Esq. The material is for informational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice.
Mother, Attorney, Advocate, & Mediator
If you are a parent then you know how much happiness children can give you. But you also aware of the tough times and situations you had to go through when raising them. Parenting a child can be difficult. Even the most patient and careful parents can make mistakes. Here are 9 tips to help you become a good parent.
1. Love your children.
Alright I know you love your children but how do you show that love? Do you tell them everyday that you love them? Do you kiss them often? Do you hug them? Always tell your children how special they are. Tell them how much they mean to you and give them lots of hugs and kisses.
2. Give safety to your children.
Most children are often scared e.g. when a lightning strikes or when they have a bad dream etc. Other children are insecure by nature. The fact is that all of them need to feel safe. Depending on your children’s nature, take the appropriate steps to comfort them and protect them. I know you protect your children but do you show or explain to them how you protect them and why?
3. Spend time with your children.
Your Children need your attention and your time. Spend some time with them doing nice things like reading a book, taking a walk or playing a game. You can let your children help you clean the house or water the flowers. It is a fact that bad children behavior is a result of the lack of attention, so spend some time with them and make them feel responsible.
4. Reward your children.
All children need to feel they play a significant role inside the family. That’s why they will always try to learn and advance. And they will need to know they’re doing right. So, when they learn something new or when their behavior is appropriate, tell them how important that new thing was and how proud you are of them. But you also have to tell them that they should always keep trying to learn more.
5. Create a consistent set of rules.
All families have certain rules, especially when it comes to children. Your family rules don’t need to be the same with the rules of other families but they need to be clear and straight. Rules should not change often and if that happens make sure your children understood everything that’s new. Rules should apply to all cases and situations like when you hire a baby sitter or leave your children to your parents etc.
6. Keep a regular schedule for your children.
Children need to follow a strict schedule most of the times. A schedule will help them become disciplined individuals. For example you can make sure the entire family eats at certain times every day, if that’s possible. You can send them to bed same time every day except, let’s say, Saturdays or Fridays. Do your children brush their teeth when they wake up and before they go to bed? These are just some examples of a regular schedule.
7. Listen to your children.
Children always have something to say. They seem to have a strong opinion about everything and at the same time they keep asking all kinds of questions. Always listen to their words. Sometimes they will ask complex questions that will surprise you. Take some time to discuss with them and try to give simple and meaningful answers.
8. Don’t criticize your children.
All children make mistakes. As I said nobody is perfect, even grown individuals make tons of mistakes. When your children make mistakes don’t criticize them. They need to know what they did wrong and why is that thing wrong, so take some time to explain to them all they need to know. Criticize the behavior, not the child.
9. Don’t spank your children.
Most parents feel so frustrated and confused at times that they lose their temper and spank their children. Spanking achieves nothing but fear. If you feel frustrated or angry take a break. Try to control yourself. If you can’t control yourself how do you expect to teach your children discipline and self control?
You see, raising a child can be really tough and there isn’t a perfect way to raise children because no parent or child is perfect. If you feel you need help or extra information on the art of parenting, then you might want to grab this parenting toolbox that will help you improve the relationships between the members of your family and become a great parent.
If you live in a cold climate, winter can seem like a death sentence, especially if you have a household of young kids. No one likes to be cooped up inside for months, but this year you can make things different. Why not make this winter a memorable one? There are plenty of fun activities that you and your kids can do together that are sure to make the long cold days fly by. Iâ??ve creative a list of educational and creative ways to spend time with your kids this winter.
1. Teach them how to play an instrument. Youâ??ll need a few musical skills if you want to do it right, but you can also start out with a very basic instrument. Piano is always a good choice or consider purchasing a xylophone. You can make your goal to teach your children to play at least a few songs by heart.
2. Teach your kids how to paint. It doesnâ??t need to be a masterpiece or anything, just purchase some acrylic paint, some art easels and some paintbrushes and youâ??ll be ready to go. Donâ??t focus on technique or how the final product should turn out; just give you children the space to be creative. You never know, there might be a little Picasso lurking within one of your children.
3. Teach your kids how to sew. This is a great activity for boys and girls. Start out with something simple like a pillow or a blanket. Let you children choose fabric and the pattern so that theyâ??ll be more invested in the project.
4. Put on a talent show. Let you kids invite some of their friends over for the day, then give them all an hour or so to come up with some really fun ways to entertain. Then have a formal talent show where everyone can perform. Donâ??t choose a winner and make sure there are prizes for everyone.
Winter doesnâ??t have to be boring this year. Make it educational and fun for your kids. Teaching them new skills will aid in their development and it will also make them well-rounded. Have fun this winter and make it a season to remember.
In the modern world, good qualifications are a pre-requisite for almost all interesting and rewarding careers. This means that performing well in exams, particularly GCSEs and A Levels, is crucial for success in life. So to give your child the best start, you need to help them get the grades they deserve. But, if you’re not involved in the education profession, it can be difficult to know where to start. This article explains some of key resources that you can use to help your child prepare for exams, as well as providing some general advice.
Revision Guides
One of the most important tools your child will use is a revision guide. Revision guides are essentially compressed text books; they contain all the facts without any padding. This makes them quick to read, but they often don’t provide very much in the way of explanation or background. So revision guides are not replacements for text books and they should probably not be used when first learning the material. Their hour comes during the revision period, when there may not be enough time to re-read text books in full.
There are a number of publishers who produce revision guides for GCSE and A Levels and, in practice, they tend to vary significantly in content. Example publishers are CGP, Letts & Londsdale and BBC Bitesize, but there are plenty more. Revision guides can sometimes be ordered direct from the publisher’s websites and, of course, bought in your local bookstore. But the thrifty can save a lot of money by ordering through Amazon instead. Amazon stocks almost all the revision guides which are currently on the market, often at prices less than half those of the High Street.
Of course you can still make use of the High Street shops to preview revision guides before you order them. Alternatively, several websites provide reviews of revision guides. One example is www.revision-guides.com, of which I am an editor. This site has reviews of several hundred revision guides covering most subjects at GCSE and A Level, as well as links to order them direct from Amazon. One key feature is that, for many guides, we have screenshots of the contents page and some sample pages. This means that you can get a clearer idea of what you are getting before you part with your money.
Exam Boards
Schools can choose from several different companies who provide exam papers for GCSE and A Level, the main ones in England being Edexcel, OCR and AQA. Although exams from the different providers broadly cover the same topics, there are some differences, particularly in the format of exams. Your child’s teacher will be able to tell you which board is being used for each subject; this can be useful as some revision guides are tailored for specific exam boards. Knowing which exam board is being used will also allow your child to attempt relevant past or specimen papers.
Past Papers
Just knowing a lot isn’t a guarantee of exam success. Children also need to know how to pass exams – this is known as exam technique. And the best way to develop exam technique is to practice. Most exam boards provide past and sample papers that your child can attempt. Don’t under-estimate their value, practicing exam papers is probably the single most effective approach to succeeding at exams. You can find past papers on the websites of most of the exam boards, as well as ordering them in printed form from Amazon. To save you time, at www.revision-guides.com we have links to lots of past papers organized by qualification and subject.
General Tips
There are many different schools of thought on revision, but here are some general guidelines that few would disagree with:
-Everyone has their own way of revising, so while you can make suggestions its best not to impose a method of working on your child.
-Encourage your child to start revising early, this will avoid some of the last minute stressful cramming, and will increase the chances that information is retained.
-Motivation to revise may be hard to find if there is no immediate chance of a pay-off. Praise can encourage your child, as can a reward of some kind to look forward to after the exams.
-Remain positive – there are times when the revision will not be going well, and your child may need extra encouragement to stick with it.
-If you are lucky enough to have a very highly motivated child, try to make sure that they don’t work too hard. Short breaks every now and again, particularly with a change in activity, will help to keep the mind sharp.
I hope this article has been of some help. You can read more thoughts on effective revision at www.revision-guides.com/effective-revision.php.
References
The following were used to help compile this article:
http://www.ofqual.gov.uk/
http://www.bbc.co.uk/schools/parents/work/secondary/revision/revision_help.shtml
http://www.leighacademy.org.uk/project/uploaded-media/the-parents-guide-to-exam-revision.pdf
http://www.merlinhelpsstudents.com/parentsguide/helprevisegcses.asp
Mike Hughes is an editor of www.revision-guides.com. This site has reviews of hundreds of revision guides for GCSEs and A Levels as well links to lots of useful online content.
The birth of a child changes lives forever. Becoming a parent brings with it several concerns and responsibilities. And, the central concern becomes “effective parenting.” While parenting comes naturally to most, the many concerns of the modern world and it’s fast paced existence make parenting a many tiered concern.
Parenting in simple terms just means loving your child, and teaching him to be a rounded and caring individual. Children need understanding, love, as well as a certain guiding hand which will help them make appropriate choices.
The keys to effective parenting are:
Understand that you child is an individual with the ability to think. Never try and mold a child into what you imagine to be the right mold for him or her. Every child has certain inborn talents and must be given the opportunity to discover their own identity and personality.
Instill in the child a sense of self confidence and trust in you. They must know that at any time they can turn to you for advice and help. Help the child discover themselves, their inner talents and strengths. Keep all avenues of conversation open. Listen to what a child has to say. You will be surprised at how much children know today.
Nurture your child’s talents and give them the space and opportunity to fly with the wind and touch the skies. Never try and push a child into a study course or profession they are not comfortable with let the child find its own level.
Reassure the child that he has your unconditional love and support. Your love is not a measure of the child’s behavior, performance, or achievements.
Freedom needs limits. Being understanding and lenient does not mean running wild. Children need rules to work under as well as a pre-determined schedule. This instills in them a feeling of security as well as discipline. So, a parent must wield the carrot and stick but subtly not like a military general or great dictator.
The adage, spare the rod and spoil the child is valid. What a parent needs to do is use positive methods to discipline a child. Never beat or abuse a child but devise a way in which a child looses certain privileges when he or she behaves badly or oversteps limits. Decide with the child whether it should be TV privileges, or pizza treats, or movies, or visits to the mall. Many parents find “grounded” works well.
Create bonds that a strong and will stand the vicissitudes of time. Be warm, share interests, spend time together, establish routines and rituals, be vigilant and pick up clues when a child is upset or angry. Keep lines of communication open, a child must be able to come and share is troubles and problems with you without hesitation.
Being a parent is not about providing well, giving pocket money, or satisfying material needs. It is about creating love, understanding, and trust. Bonds that are formed in the early years of life will last a life time of good times and bad. It is important for parents to extend a warm hand of friendship.
Paul Wilson is a freelance writer for Parenting Discussion, the premier REVENUE SHARING discussion forum for Parenting Forum including topics on general parenting, best parenting moments, motherhood, fatherhood, parenting advice and more. He also freelances for the premier Submit Article Services Site.
One of the major responsibilities parents have is ensuring their children are safe when they are driving. Every year, many children die or get injured as a result of car carnage. Correct usage of car seat safety comes in handy to keep the children safe. However, with a wide range of car seats available on the market, parents may find it overwhelming to select the best from the crowd. The kind of seat children requie depends on many factors like the kind of vehicle and size of the child among others. To ensure you are using an appropriate seat, researching on the different types of car seats available is necessary to be able to select the best. The American Academy of Pediatrics has put forth recommendations on the appropriate seat for children of different ages. The types of car safety seats recommended range from infant seats to convertible seats to seat belts for older children.
When travelling, especially for long distance journeys, infants of less than one year and not weighing more than 20 pounds require the rear-facing convertible and infant seats; the seat must always face to the rear. For Preschoolers and toddlers of one year and not weighing more than 20 pounds, convertible seats are important and can be placed facing forward though riding while rear-facing is recommended. For the school-aged children, booster seats come in handy as they have been specially designed for older children that have already outgrown car safety seats which are forward-facing. The children should remain in the booster seat until they are old enough to fit in the adult seat belt. Normally, when children reach approximately 4′9″ in height and are between 8-12 years, they are old enough to fit in booster seats. Older children that have outgrown booster seats require lap and shoulder belts at back seats until they are 13 years old.
After a careful selection of the appropriate seat for a child, there are important points to bear in mind. The back seat is normally the safest incase of a crush. If the vehicle comprises a passenger’s air bag, it is vital for all children under 12 years to ride in the back. Ensure the child rides while facing the appropriate way. Infants are required to ride in rear-facing seats and the back seat is preferable until they are 1. Infants weighing 20 lbs and are less than a year old require a restraint recommended for higher rear-facing weights. It is advisable to always go through the child restraint manual for detailed instructions on how to use the restraint properly. For children who are one year old and over and weighing at least 20 pounds can ride while facing forward.
Car safety belts are important as they hold seats tightly and in place to prevent the child from moving while the vehicle is in motion. Always ensure the belt passes through the appropriate slot and use the right belt slot for every direction. Safety seat belts come in handy for older children and the child should be able to sit comfortably without slouching and knees should be bent on the edges of seats and the feet on the floor. When travelling by plane, most convertible, forward-facing and infant seats can be used. However, travel vests and booster seats are not recommended. Restraints made particularly for planes are also helpful when travelling by plane. Always do your best to get a seat that is convenient for both your child and you. With the wide ranges of car safety belts and seats available, selecting an appropriate one is easy.
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Our children are the people whose love and friendship we value most in the World yet so few of us make an effort to let our children know we are there for them all the time, not only when they are close by and under the same roof but also when they are away at school during the day or somewhere doing the stuff that kids do.
There are times when we think of our children and worry whether they are okay, especially children who are away from home for some reason. Photographs are good, but they are flimsy. Phone calls are great but you can only stay on the phone for a short time and the same goes for emails.
A great way to stay connected with your child is to give them The Friendship Stone. The Friendship Stone is a Tiger’s Eye, naturally tumbled with hundreds of other stones to smooth away all the rough edges and make it glossy to touch. Each stone is completely unique as there are no two alike, just as there are no two people alike.
The Friendship Stone is small enough to carry around in your purse or pocket and is also available in necklace form on a leather or chain so it can be worn as a piece of jewelry. The Friendship Stone is causing quite a stir in schools everywhere this year as the definitive gift of friendship that kids can exchange with the people they love and like and want to stay close to.
The Friendship Stone is probably one of the most thoughtful gestures one human being can make to another and when you are feeling down on your luck or unhappy, to have someone put The Friendship Stone in your hand and send you that message of solidarity and support can mean the World. To be able to make that gesture is even more empowering and can make you feel ten feet tall.
To be able to have something solid that can be touched and looked at from someone you love can bring them closer and remind you to stay positive about the events that might affect you throughout each day. Our children sometimes have to go through situations we would rather they avoided, but if we cannot be there with them, we can give them our love and support through this beautiful and unique friendship gift that says so much about the way we feel about them.
The Friendship Stone reacts to light and darkness and looks entirely different in sunshine and shadow. Its appearance subtly changes with circumstance; just as unique as human friendship and no two stones with the same personality. You can also purchase two Friendship Stones; one to keep and one to share, in a friendship pack.
To bring you closer to your child, try giving The Friendship Stone; the ultimate gift of loving friendship that you can hold in your hand to remind you to stay positive and focused.
Born in Florida, Cathy grew up in Columbus, Georgia. She graduated with a BA Honors in Journalism from the University of Texas, where the emphasis of her studies was in photojournalism. After studying commercial photography at the Art Center College of Design in Pasadena, California, Cathy moved abroad to Israel where she has been for the past 23 years. Prior to forming My Stone Company in 2005, Cathy specialized in food and portrait photography.
The Friendship Stone Friendship Gift links friends and promotes friendships everywhere, stone by stone.
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