If you have difficulty dealing with your children, you are not alone. Many parents seem to be quite at loss when it comes to enforcing good behavior in their children. Research has shown that some parenting styles definitely do not work. Read on to learn how you can avoid the most common parenting mistakes:
#1: Don’t punish harshly. Professor of Sociology, University of New Hampshire, Murray Straus, estimates that 90 percent of parents do not think it wrong to beat children. However, researchers studying child behavior insist that punishing children too harshly is a big parenting mistake. Discipline, they say, is effective only when it is mild. For instance, “time out” should not be for more than a few minutes, and privilege withdrawal should not be extended for more than a day.
#2: Don’t nag. If you think that constant nagging will get your kids to do as you want them to, think again. Research has proven that people tend to ignore repetitive commands. Not only that, nagging also negatively reinforces wrong behavior.
#3: Don’t compromise. If you make rules, be ready to enforce them. Nobody expects that you set military standards for discipline for your children, but let them know that a “no” means “no.” When your kids learn that you will not give in to their tantrums, they will simply stop throwing them.
#4: Don’t overprotect. While it is your duty to protect your children, it is also important to let them learn from their mistakes. As psychologist and Raising Resilient Children co-author, Robert Brooks explains, “Resilient children realize that sometimes they will fail, make mistakes, have setbacks. They will attempt to learn from them.”
#5: Don’t over-praise. An important aspect of parenting is to praise children for exemplary behavior. However, if you habitually applaud every thing they do, you may end up undermining the effectiveness of praise as a form of positive reinforcement. This is because your children may not understand why you are praising them, or may even overestimate their own worth.
#6: Don’t stress grades. Academics are important for your children, but a common parenting mistake is to stress grades over creativity. Psychiatrist and author of Great Kids, Stanley Greenspan points out that while parents make children learn rules and facts, it is more difficult to get them to think creatively. Creativity, however, is essential to help children to discard ideas that don’t work and look for alternative solutions.
#7: Don’t disregard feelings. Myrna Shure, author of Raising a Thinking Child, says that children need to be able to examine their feelings about things. One of the most common mistakes parents make is disregard their children’s feelings-by telling them not to cry, for instance. A better approach is to show empathy by letting children know that you understand how they feel. Your parenting styles are likely to impact the way your child grows up. Being responsive to your children, and at the same time, setting clear rules and limits, is crucial for you as a parent.
Paul Banas was looking for a business idea that would allow him the flexibility to spend time with his family. Paul Banas is a founder of GreatDad.com. He writes articles on father and daughter, parenting skills, family planning, pregnancy care and many more topics related to dads.
Days and years fly when youâ??re a full-time employee and parent. One day youâ??re going to wake up to find that your little boy or girl is all grownup about to head off to college. So youâ??ve got to make the time you have together count. Itâ??s hard to make quality time during the work week between office meetings and soccer games, so why not make this weekend extra special? There are so many ways to make the weekends memorable; you just need to be a little creative when choosing a fun activity. If youâ??re searching for some great ideas, check out my suggestions below.
1. Purchase an RC boat and head to a local lake. This will be a great way to have hours and hours of fun. Most children will love the opportunity to be behind the wheel for once. And you can even buy two and have a race. Just be sure to pack a delicious picnic and youâ??ll have a blast all afternoon.
2. Go to a baseball game. Even if you arenâ??t a huge sports fan, this will be a great time to bond with your child. You can alternate between watching the game, eating hot dogs and people watching. Donâ??t feel bad about getting the cheaper tickets either, your son or daughter will love being seated up high above the field.
3. Take them to the zoo. This will be both incredibly fun and educational. If you can, arrange a tour around the facility so that youâ??ll both be able to learn some new interesting facts about the creatures at the zoo.
4. Go fishing together. This is a classic way to spend time with your son or daughter. If you donâ??t own a boat, you can have just as much fun fishing from the shore. Just be sure to bring plenty of snacks and a radio for background music.
5. Go ice-skating. If its wintertime, you can be tempted to spend all of your weekends cooped up indoors, but why not take your son or daughter ice-skating for a fun treat. Head over to a local rink, grab some hot chocolates and have an all around great time.
Donâ??t let your weekends fly by without spending some quality time with your son or daughter. Youâ??ll be laying the foundations for a strong healthy parent-child relationship well into the future, when your influence wonâ??t be as persuasive.
To feel loved, safe, and secure is fundamental to everyone, regardless of age. That is why we must ensure that we make time in our busy days to provide a special moment for each of our children and for ourselves.
“You donâ??t know how I feel and you donâ??t care”, “Leave me alone”, “Get out of my space”, “I donâ??t need you”.
If you have ever heard these kinds of comments from your children then perhaps itâ??s time to stand back and look at what is happening between you and your family.
How do we address everyoneâ??s needs, including our own? How do we deal with the specific needs of our children without sacrificing our own sanity?
Who or what comes first? Your career? Your family? Your partner? Your health?
Step one is to admit that we are not guilty of a crime by acknowledging that we are not perfect.
So the house is not picture perfect. All the washing and ironing isnâ??t done! Does that matter more than whether you have spent time to have a hug? Spent time to check homework is being done? Spent time to find out if there is a special event coming up one you should attend? Itâ??s all about priorities.
You donâ??t necessarily have to put them in a definitive order. All can be balanced if you have the right attitude and perhaps a little professional help.
Have you ever asked your children what they expect of you? Ever told them what you expect of them? Do you even know what your expectations are? An assessment of the way each family member treats the others might create a more harmonious household.
Be honest with yourself, your partner and your children. Admit your own shortcomings without denigrating yourself.
The need to know what is expected of them is important for all children. Depending on the age of the child, expectations should be clearly outlined in language that is positive. Give them the kinds of parameters that say, â??you can do â??thisâ?? but â??thatâ?? is not acceptable.â?
Many times teenagers have told me, “My parents let me do what I want. They donâ??t care.” The child interprets this permissive attitude as, “If they donâ??t care, they donâ??t love me enough.”
Most parents do love their children but may not know how to show it in a way that the child understands.
Children of all ages need some time when they can have their parentsâ?? undivided attention. For busy people it could mean scheduling family time into your diary. It also means scheduling time for each child individually and sticking to it. Quite simply, you must make time for your family they need you now.
Families need to spend meaningful time together. This does not mean just being in the same vicinity, but it does mean doing simple things like cooking the family meal together, or going to places that create opportunities to interact in such a way that honest communication can occur.
These should be the times when children feel relaxed and free to express themselves without interruption and be listened to. Time in front of the TV or going to a movie does not provide these opportunities.
When children feel that they have to vie for their parentsâ?? attention, the results are often disastrous. The undivided attention of a parent is important to a child but not always a top priority for a busy parent.
The intention of the schedules and reminder notes is not to â??forceâ?? the family into routine that suits you. It is, rather, an attempt to establish patterns of behaviour (yours and your childrenâ??s) that benefit the whole family and to create a peaceful atmosphere where everyone feels loved and valued.
Here are some tips that may help to show your children that you really do care about them:
Take time to listen to your children without interruption. For little ones, get down to their level, perhaps kneel or sit with them. They will appreciate your undivided attention.
Ask your children how they would like to spend time with you. Be prepared to participate in what is important to them even if it is an activity that you would not choose yourself.
Observe your children do they respond to a hug; a quick back rub; cooking in the kitchen with you; a small, thoughtful, inexpensive gift; or genuine encouragement and praise? What do they enjoy and respond to most?
Take the time to read to your children
Care enough to say â??noâ??- unreasonable requests and behaviour are not acceptable. Children and teenagers should be aware of consequences for unacceptable behaviour.
Take every opportunity to do things with your children rather than being an observer from the side lines
Plan special occasions. When planning a family event ask your children for their input. Give them plenty of choice and notice. Forcing them to attend a family event or an event they are not interested in is not a good start.
Children and teenagers should be part of family gatherings. These gatherings help provide them a sense of belonging, responsibility and acceptance, and tolerance for others.
Be consistent and fair – try to cater for everyoneâ??s needs, including your own. What does not happen for one child this week may be planned for the following week.
Put aside time plan it and make it a regular part of your family routine
Consider regular family meetings. These are a good time to discover what is, and what is not, working in your family. Prepare guidelines for these meetings in advance.
Entrusting a child to a childcare centre is never easy for parents. Visiting the place and hearing various recommendations from fellow parents lessen the anxiety but a personal interview with the educators can help provide a sigh of relief.
Getting the basic information of the primary caregiver, the person assigned in the child’s class, is important like the name, address and contact number. Likewise, a parent must also present his or her contact details to the educator himself or herself aside from the required records in the childcare centre’s office. So in case of emergency, a parent can quickly contact the educator and vice-versa.
For a detailed knowledge of how the childcare centre runs, a parent is recommended to inquire about some particular concerns:
Know the primary caregiver’s training on child development or childcare
An experienced and well-trained primary caregiver is advised. Remember that the growing up years is critical. Having a qualified educator at a young age will provide a strong foundation for a child’s education.
The teaching methods will determine whether a child is suitable for the program
Some childcare centres are focused on the intellectual growth of children. Others are more concerned on the emotional and social skills while some concentrate on developing both on children. For example, the Montessori Method developed by Italian Maria Montessori is all about allowing a child to experience and learn at his or her own pace while the educator provides an assessment.
Be aware of the disciplinary actions implemented by the childcare centre
Disciplining children is one aspect that childcare centres are very keen on. A parent must take considerable effort to fully recognize the disciplinary actions being implemented. Moreover, a parent must analyze and understand these policies and be able to determine if he or she is willing to put his or her child to this type of disciplining methods.
A parent may or may not be involved in the childcare centre
When schedule permits, a parent may have time to drop by the childcare centre at some point to witness the learning process of his or her child. It is noteworthy to ask if the chosen centre allows this kind of interaction. While some institutions request the involvement of parents during sessions, others try to limit these occasions to avoid distractions in children.
Security for children is a definite concern
Aside from direct observations on the facilities, a parent should ask the childcare providers about the security measures provided such as what to do during earthquakes or other emergencies.
Know the rules when a child gets sick
Another worry of a parent in placing his or her child in a childcare centre is the situation when the child gets sick. Inquire about the first aid skills of the caregiver and also the nearest hospital in the area. Another health concern is whether a sick child can stay inside the classroom or has to be sent home. Parents should ask about allowing a sick child inside the class because it can pose some risk to other children.
A continuous changing of caregiver may affect a child’s emotion
It is a fact that some children experience difficulty in adjusting to a new environment. Thus, a high turnover rate of caregivers in a childcare centre may not be beneficial for a child’s emotional growth.
A parent must consider the pointers mentioned and conduct interviews to ensure that his or her child will have the most beneficial childcare.
Grunty’s day care nursery is a long established Nursery School based in Blackpool. Grunty’s is part of Partington’s Holiday Centres
In principle, every child has a right to the security of a big family to be. But for various reasons, some parents are temporarily or permanently unable to provide their children the affection, love, safety and security given to those who need them.
In such situations is often the inclusion of the child in a loving foster family, a good solution.
The reasons that a child “offer on time,” a home are many. Many people have friends working with children. Sometimes their children are older and independent, and mother and / or father did find a new, more meaningful task.
When foster parents can apply both married and unmarried couples and single persons with and without children. However, it is easier for the foster child to integrate, when his own children stand to the side.
The application and examination procedures are similar to an adoption:
Participation in preparatory seminars
Personal acquaintance
Joint meetings
Home visits
Completing the application form and teach a police certificate of good conduct and health certificates
The foster parents should not put in financial straits and it should be enough housing available, so the family closer together not because of the foster child “” must. While a foster child does not necessarily need a separate room, but enough space for their own needs.
Foster parents should be crisis-proof, sociable and assertive. A warm, family-minded climate and time flexibility are as important as willingness to cooperate with the authorities and the family of origin.
Foster parenthood means “public parents – being”. Only those who feel ready for it, may have chosen to be foster parents.
Many parents are alarmed when the experts advocate tough love as they think of it as a rather cruel and tough treatment and the NIH have noted that ‘get tough treatments do not work’.
Some parents worry that this type of discipline is maybe bordering on child neglect and child abuse. Here are some guidelines for tough love or positive parenting or assertive parenting or whatever you like to call it!
Love and discipline go hand in hand! That means simply being able to apply the rules while still showing you love your child. You can show that love in many different ways. Learn to empathise and bond too. But everyone knows the bottom line and that can be firmly and fairly applied. The main thing is not to change the goal posts!
Who can tell me how to set the boundaries? Most behavior modification technique programs can really tell you what to do to set routines, establish rules for homework, curfews, limits of verbal abuse and so on. There is nothing cruel about tough love provided you can still show love and affection to your child.
Imagine being able to set the limits without having to shout! This is just what a child behavior program will tell you what to do and how to react to violence, abuse, aggression and hostility and generally defiant behavior.
Your child knows the limits and the consequences. This is another key in positive parenting – just like living in a family is rather like living in society. We know the rules and we know the consequences when and if we break them. Living in a family should be no different and positive parenting can be the answer to letting the child know he is loved but he has rights and responsibilities too.
When my wife and I got married, we had a lot in common. But there was one area in which we were complete opposites. She lived for the future. I lived for today.
As a result, she had a nice savings account, a plan for her family (all the way down to meals and vacations), and a way to prioritize everything that came up, including expenditures. I, on the other hand, flew by the seat of my pants. If I saw something I wanted, I bought it. If I wanted to do something, I did it.
Obviously, my way of life wreaked havoc on hers. Over the years, though, she’s convinced me of the need to plan ahead. I’m still not as good about it as she is. But it’s made a huge difference in our relationship and our family.
One area we knew had to become more future oriented was our parenting. What were our goals? Where did we want our children to be when they reached 18? This included spiritual and emotional maturity, academic development, and other areas of growth. Our children are still young, so we’re still working on many of these areas, but it did make us change some things about the way we parent.
For instance, discipline changed. Instead of expecting perfection now, we set our goals on having mature 18 year olds. This allowed us to work more with our children and to be more patient with them. We could take the time to sit and talk with them instead of trying to force them into a behavior. It also allowed us time to look at their hearts, not just their actions.
Of course, we still have to discipline for inappropriate actions they do today. But our discipline is directed toward a goal. Not just correcting behavior. When they fail to make progress, we have a way to evaluate where they are, why they aren’t making progress, and it gives us some direction on how to move forward.
Being future-oriented in our parenting had other effects as well. We look at their eating habits to see how those habits will affect them 20 or 30 years down the road. We evaluate how they spend their time. Are they working enough? Playing too much? Being silly at the wrong times? And we’re able to train them much more effectively for the future in these areas.
If you live for today with your children, realize it will have consequences down the road. And those consequences will ultimately show how much you loved your children when they were young. Do you love them for today only? Or do you love them for the future as well?
It’s time to sit down and evaluate your actions and what consequences they will have down the road. Then ask yourself, “Will my training methods produce fruit in my children 30 years from now — fruit that shows how wise or foolish I was in their childhood?” If you don’t like the answer, it’s time to make changes — long-term changes.
Steve Kroening writes for Success magazine and also publishes Wisdom’s Edge. You can get Biblical tips on health, finance, relationships, parenting, and success, delivered to your email inbox every week. Simply visit http://www.wisdomsedge.com and sign up for this free e-zine.
Following are characteristics we as parents should possess to eliminate stress, build physical and emotional endurance, and promote personal happiness:
1. Predictable in life style – Persons who enclose themselves with argument and who struggle for alternative life styles be inclined to experience less rewarding lives, characterized by grief.
2. Less thoughtful – Contented adults are likely not to be quite as liable to spend huge quantities of their time focused upon themselves, how they feel, what they are thinking. Etc.
3. Physically energetic – Exercise is a miracle that cures all kinds of problems – including stress.
4. Capability to share burdens – There is a real value in selectively sharing the problems we face with people who are truly trustworthy and caring.
5. Information of one’s restrictions – If a problem is beyond your limits, confess it and accept that there is only so much that you can do. This often frees you to find solutions which would otherwise be hidden.
6. Self-esteem – You are extraordinary and special. Treat yourself that way. Eat properly, set yourself a regular routine for sleep, dress upbeat, groom well, etc. It does wonders in boosting up your self confidence and self esteem.
7. Relaxation – People under stress tend to avoid relaxing. Relaxing yourself will help eliminate stress.
8. Involvement – One way to deal with stress is to focus your attention on other people. Get involved in the lives of others. Help your neighbor in some way. Join a service club. Volunteer to be a fund raiser. Do it! Serve others.
9. Organization – Make lists of what you need to do, and then check them off one by one. Lists give order and make complex tasks appear possible. Lists give hope and reduce tension.
10. Ability to be wrong – Being right all the time is impossible. Learn to do your best and accept that you will fall flat on your face from time to time. Just get up, smile, laugh at yourself, and move on.
11. Sense of humor – Read the funny papers, the jokes in magazines, etc. Interact with joyful people and learn to laugh with them. Laughter is wonderful medicine.
12. Ability to express emotion – If you are sad shed a few tears. Cry and then get back to the business of living. Laugh a lot, particularly at yourself. Don’t take yourself too seriously.
13. Getting away – It is always well to take time-outs. Find a peaceful place and go there for nothing else but to get away and forget the troubles of the day. Go fishing, shopping, etc
Be There When Your Teen Needs You
Parenting is the toughest, most important job most people will ever encounter and yet there is no license required, no training required, and no 24/7 hotline. This is rather short-sighted on the part of society as the cost of bad parenting is immense, but in truth the situation is not as dire as it seems. While no training is required for new parents, it is very easy for parents to learn the ways and means of good parents as well as the traps and pitfalls of bad parents. All it takes for parents to learn more about parenting is to watch, listen, and learn.
Watching is a key element to learning more about parenting. Watch the parents around you and you can learn all sorts of lessons about how to interact with your child, how to discipline your child, and how to teach your child. Almost everywhere you take your child there will be other parents and their children. Watching means observing but also listening. Hear the tone of voice as well as the words those parents use. Some parents use the right words but their tone and physical manner contradicts those words. Watch the children to note their response. Some children respond more readily to their parents. Why? What is different about that parent-child relationship? What can you take away for your own parent-child relationship?
Listen to advice. You don’t need to take every piece of advice that is offered to you. After all, there are many people who are free with advice and yet have clearly demonstrated they are in no position to offer it. However, there is often some really good advice shared by people you know and trust as well as good advice offered by passing strangers in the supermarket checkout line or in the stands at a soccer game. Be a sponge. Keep your ears open. You don’t have to take that advice but keeping your options open gives you the chance to sort out the jewels and benefit from them.
Be an active learner. Seek out information when you face a parenting challenge. Perhaps your child is acting out in a new way and your old discipline technique isn’t working. Search the internet, flip through parenting books, and ask some experts in your circle of friends. Sometimes great advice will come to you but other times you will need to seek it out. The more proactive you are about finding solutions to your parenting problems then the better parent you will become.
Parenting is a challenging job, no question about it, but it also comes with wonderful built-in rewards. Some times parents are forced to take a tough unpopular stand but in the end good parenting comes with its own rewards. Those rewards include a happy, successful child and a warm, loving relationship that will extend long past childhood and span the rest of your life. So who needs special training. If you watch, listen, and learn then you can be the parent you want to be and your child deserves.
Around the world, math teachers are teaching similar math materials, but the major differentiator between these regional groups is the level of stress given to learning the basics by math teachers in the Far East and South Asia.
In North America, course outlines, which are provided through school districts and boards, outline mandatory material that must be covered within each area of study. For example, with grade one or 5 to 6 year old students, mathematics are taught as a more abstract component of learning. In many instances, calculators are introduced and accepted as necessary at this age. There is a stated requirement that all children must understand the multiplication table along with performing long division, on paper, by the time they complete grade 5 or age 10 to 11.
Unfortunately, the time given to students to perfect their times tables, along with long division, or even long addition or subtraction, is very little. Children are introduced to applying math in real life examples and to notice how math is everywhere. Our findings of North American parents with children in elementary school indicated that the type of math problems being taught were very confusing, and were, in most instances, unable to help their child. The general lifestyle of North American parents (2 working parents), who live on their own, greatly reduced the amount of time they spent helping their children.
In the Far East and South Asia, schools are also provided with guidelines, but there is a strong emphasis on repetition and memorizing. Therefore, because students are not permitted to use a calculator, by the nature of repetition and memory (also known as neuroplasticity), become excellent in mathematics, to the point where they could answer many problems faster than with the use of a calculator. Children as young as 6 years could recite the answers to random multiplication problems into the 16 times table. Parents and grandparents spend, on average, 2 hours every day working with their children or grandchildren after school.
There also exists a competition factor in the Far East and South Asia. Parents push their children to excel so their children will be better positioned to help the family with a better paying job when they finish their schooling. This type of competitive atmosphere, with help from Parents, is producing some of the worlds brightest students. Almost every North American Fortune 1000 company has recruiters ready to hire the top students as they exit school from the Far East and South Asia.
Research has also indicated a general decline in technology-related research & development in North America, with the bulk of this research now being performed in the Far East and South Asia. Many believe this to be the result of the low cost to hire. While this is true, there should be an understanding that Fortune 1000 companies will hire those with genuine talents and skills – regardless of where you live.
With the old world method of teaching math, North American and certain European countries: placed Man on the moon, developed computers and software designed to run those computers, developed nuclear power, engineered some of the best architectural wonders and produced most of the leading thinkers the world has ever known.
In conclusion, elementary school students should be provided a system of learning that is effective at stressing the basics, so children can be prepared for a future without limits.
TeachMeWell provides your child with an easy method to practice math basics online at http://www.TeachMeWell.com/. Flash tutorials, practice lessons, timed tests, games and printable worksheets available for your child between the ages of 5 and 10 years. Results are recorded and graded while providing active feedback so both you and your child know where he/she is excelling and where more practice is required. We invite you to sign-up your child today at http://www.TeachMeWell.com/.
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